What Do You Think Of This Story?I looked up at her face warily. Her eyes were glued to the flashing television set in front of her. "Natalie", I mumbled taking a step towards her. Her eyes flickered towards me for a second as she huffed, slightly irritated. "Gage, you can't violate your contract. You're lucky Beaumont let it slide the first two times". I bit the inside of my cheek brushing my fingers against my cabin key. "Gage-Just, try to stay our of trouble okay? Promise me you'll actually try". She knew damn well that I couldn't help it. Especially around Nathan. "Natalie you know that I-" I began before Andre practically busted the door off it's hinges. "Natalie"! He announced panting frantically, his chest heaving in and out. "Someone is hurt out by the woods"! Natalie quickly got up and pushed past us. She stopped abruptly and looked at me. "I'm warning you Delancy, I don't want to see you getting into anymore fights", and with that she jogged over towards the woods. I simply stared at Andre for a second as he bent over to regain his steady breathing. "C'mon, let's go see". He exhaled as I awkwardly followed him out of the cabin. To be honest, I didn't care much for whatever it was that was happening right now, part of me was wishing that maybe Nathan had fallen into the sink hole and drowned. I stared at the crowd that began to form as Andre and I approached the big oak tree, a few leaves swirled around the air around us, I tried to focus on the person in the middle of the large crowd. My blood ran cold, catching a glimpse of a familiar brunette head. I stared, my eyes growing wide as I did so. Alina. Alina was the girl on the ground. "Alina"! I yelled about to bulldoze everyone out the way, Andre swiftly gripped my hand. I looked back at him slightly irritated. He shook his head and in that moment I noticed Nathan casually walking towards his cabin. I clenched my jaw shaking Andre off of my arm as I stormed towards him. "Nathan"! I hissed as I hastily turned him around, that same arrogant smirk on his face. Andre quickly ran after me, "Gage don't do it"! He screamed running towards us.
What do you think?
-rodolfo l
I think it's funny.
-tay.
it's too jumbled up,
your not making it clear enough who is speaking
and to whom.
Also I can't even tell if the person talking is a man or a girl..
you need to identify your characters better.
-hello ladies
its okai
read mine its better
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnJdAbZRBbpkjqzgWd.ccUef5HNG;_ylv=3?qid=20100401224246AAEObXe
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Orignal From: Asthma Info: What Do You Think Of This Story?
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