Which Is Worse and What Should I do?Okay... I really need help with this;
See, My friend is kinda a knacker...[ if u dont know what that is its like a chav in England and...umm....kinda a thug or sumthin for America except not that bad...., anyways , shes not a great person] and she asked me to go to tow (the city) with her tomorrow with her friend and his friend.....So I said Okay, fine whatever and I was talking with her in class today via notes =D And she was like "omg I cant wait, your gunna c me [insert picture of a cigarette here]" annd this was the first time it really dawned on me that she has started smoking...
Anywaysm I have asthma and there is no way Im smoking so my problem isnt like Im afraid of peer pressure or anything. I wrote back to her like "Im not goin if your smokin. Smoking is retarded" And she was like (in a joking way) "your retarded! And I wont smoke around you so...." And then she was like "its my life and its my decision" and i was just like fine, go ruin your own life.... Then we kinda made more plans but I was a bit aprehensive...
Then she text me saying she was asking this other guys to go who happens to be her ex and I know, without a doubt, that I will be forceed to meet him (Meet, for non-Irish people is like snogging, making out, french kissing.....etc) and I really dont want to coz Im just not that kinda person to meet any random person...
So I kinda thought I could text her in the morning saying Im sick and can't go, and I asked my other friend to go see New Moon at 5:15 coz I was in Paris last week and havent seen it yet =(
But then the other friend text me saying "you better not stand me up misses" as a joke and It made me a bit distraught.
See, the problem is Ive never gone into town with her before and we've been friends 2 and a half years but she always invites loadsa lads and theres plans to get drink and Im just not that kinda person and Im afrad to go anywhere with her really. But she got really pissed off at me last time in said I couldnt go. Sonow I dont know what to do.
I could text her and ask her could we leave early because Im meant to be going to the cinema with the other girl but tbh I dont really want to go coz I dont want to be getting into trouble or anything. But I dont want her to get angry at me either... I could reschedule for another day and make it so that there are only the four of us and she doesnt invite anyone else but its unlikely that I can stop her doing that.....
So here anre my main questions because I really need help with this;
1)How do I convince her that smoking is really bad and whats the best way to stop someone smoking?
2)Should I go with her to avoid the fight but with the danger of getting into trouble or with the nicer girl who I'd prefer to go with?
3)How can I expand my friend group and try to get out of her group because at the moment I feel trapped and kind of scared? And Im not very confident......And I kinda want to break ourt of her hold and make new friends.....
Someone please help... I really don't know what to do..... =S
Oh and Im 14 and shes 15. Shes smoking and lets just say shes gone further than meeting with her boyfrind who broke up with her 3 days after they did stuff... and she cheated on him 16 times.....
Sorry Its So Long.....=(
The other problem is that I dont particularly like the people in my clas and the only kinda nice people are like the lowest group in the class that no one wants to be part of and Ive been there too many times before and I honestly dont want to go back.... I really need help....
And yes, I am kinda afraid of her..
Okay, So should I just rell her that Im sick tomorrow and not go with her?
Thanks for all the help btw. Your all so undertsanding and nice !!
-mrsfarmer
you need to stand up to her and tell her you don't want to go be honest with her, if she doesn't respect you then it will probable end your friendship but that may be a good thing. are you afraid of her because she might hurt you? if not then speak you mind to her, and spend time with people you feel comfortable with. as far as her smoking and her "other" behaviors with boys you cannot control what she does, she is going to do it if you like it or not. If you hang out with her and the boys she hangs around with, they will think you are like her and expect you to do what she does. you need to break her hold on you and be strong for yourself or eventually you will get in trouble. go places with the nice girl and meet her friends or make new friends with her that way you expand your circle of friends with nice people like her. good luck.
-Wallflower
You are obviously very uncomfortable being around this girl who smokes, and to tell you the truth I think I would be too.
But you can't be too afraid to get out of this situation because the plans she makes with you will only get more and more severe till you find yourself doing them too. So just tell her straight up that you're uncomfortable with some of the things you do. You're only 14 after all! You have SO much time to make great friends and to have fun and SAFE experiences.
Try talking to more kids in class to expand your friends...sit at a different table for lunch, just socialize!
And to make her quit smoking..that all comes from her. There's nothing wrong with letting her know the dangers of smoking, but that kind of thing has to come from the person doing it.
Finally, go see a movie with that other girl! If you want to make friends with other people than don't hang around this other girl so much. She'll eventually get the message.
Good luck!
-Cainetheliving
I think the worst thing you can do is give in to pressure and do things you don't really want to do. You already point out that she does a lot of things you don't do and she isn't really like you at all. You should tell her that after hearing all the plans it really doesn't sound like your type of scene. Explain to her that a lot of her friends do things you aren't very comfortable with and that is fine for her if she likes that but not really fun for you. You appreciate being asked but you are going to have to turn her down and hope she understands. The last thing you want to do is be forced to get physical with a guy you don't know and aren't ready for. This happens a lot and its terrible that it does. If she is your friend she will understand if she is upset and goes away then you gave up a bad influence.
To find new friends surly there are a couple of people that you talk to not in that group of people start seeing what they are doing and maybe going to do that. It sounds like you had another friend you asked to the movies start spending more time with her and doing the kinds of things you enjoy doing. The world is dangerous and life is too short to be doing the things that make you unhappy. Why would you want to be unhappy?
-S
1)How do I convince her that smoking is really bad and whats the best way to stop someone smoking?
The trick is don't let them to stop. If you tell them to stop they wont listen. Why? because they smoke by choice and if they want to they do. Give her Facts, not suggestions. Show her what happens to people that do (lung cancer, etc.) Either with pictures or stories you find. Eventually she'll get digusted herself, or scared of what could happened because of the 1000 deathly chemicals that are in cigarettes.
2)Should I go with her to avoid the fight but with the danger of getting into trouble or with the nicer girl who I'd prefer to go with?
Don't go if you don't want to, you're being weak by doing so. Stand up for yourself, tell her how you feel (The truth) and if she can't handle it, it's the the kind of friend you want around you. Go with the girl you want to go with so you can actually have a good time and get closer with her.
3)How can I expand my friend group and try to get out of her group because at the moment I feel trapped and kind of scared? And Im not very confident......And I kinda want to break out of her hold and make new friends.....
Talk to new people, it's okay to feel trapped and scared and at the moment you may not have many friends but you have to have faith. Later on you'll meet more people, stay with the girl you like right now and you'll meet new people along the way.
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Orignal From: Asthma Info: Which Is Worse and What Should I do?
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