Ladies: How do I get over this, why haven't I gotten over it and what's wrong with me?(LONG story, SERIOUS plzMy senior year of college, I got friendly with and ended up losing my virginity to a woman I knew for about 2 years. Her and I had become friends that fall prior and started to hang out and be real platonic. It came out that she had had a crush on me since she first me met me. Now I deem my self the average guy, having hits and misses in the dating department in college. I was a late bloomer, my first kiss and gf not until I was 19, and then I met other women and played the field quite a bit and briefly dated a few other girls, until I met her.
Several weeks into us dating or whatever you'd like I call it, she invited me and two of her friends up to her parents' cottage for New Years. A lot of the time, I felt kind of left out, but she paid attention to me when it was just her and I. I had kind of known one of her friends, and we all talked alot, but she ended up telling a female friend of mine that I acted very out of character at a restaurant we went to, swearing up a st
26 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.
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23 minutes ago
storm in public and causing her to be embarrassed. The god honest truth was that i was eating my meal, bored and silent because every time I tried to talk to her and her friends I felt left out still. Plus, the male friend of hers was flirting with her the whole weekend and paid for my meal! When I offered and he turned it down! I was like 'what is going on here'? So finally, in the car after she was like "No, nothing's wrong" She was extremely silent like something happened to her. And she was quiet. This REALLY concerned me because the night before I had developed more feelings for her that I wanted her to be my girlfriend. She ended up telling a close female friend of mine that I acted "very out of character", didn't offer money to pay for things (All NOT true), and didn't help clean up (when I cleaned up lots). She also told her very personal things about my performance (that I will not share,
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No guy would want to share it, when this same girl, to my face, told me it was ok. And that when she told me she just wanted to be friends that New Year's Day it was "ok" and understandable because she just wanted to go back to being friends. After we hooked up NewYear's night?
Look, im not an innocent victim. My close female friend I mentioned, her and I had feelings for each other, but weren't together during my "fling" with the girl who bothered me. She ended up telling people that I ignored her pleas for help with her asthma and just "ate pudding" when the truth was I never knew she was asthmatic and she told me she was allergic to a pillow and I had stayed up with her and gave her water and took care of her.
She ended up telling her friends and people around campus that I had called her a whore and stuff when I never talked **** about her to her friends, and I felt that my rep at college was sort of ruined. I had known lots of people. but never felt the same.
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Any rate, the four years after finishing school ALL my dates haven't gone past the first. I've tried online and meeting in person and nothing has worked. I haven't had anything resembling anything since and Im flustered. I still have "problems" with that area of my anatomy.
Im currently in therapy for this and while I realize and respect the fact that women have been through loads worse with men and still carry on better than I have, I am not going to make excuses or apologize for my stance on this. The whole ordeal has left me kind of traumatized, there's not a day I don't think about it in 4 years, and im 27 now.
I want to break free and move on, but I feel I can't. I feel like ALL women are like that. On my dates I am nice, polite, personable and not overly flirty. Just "right" flirty. I never get returned calls. I feel much better having got this off my chest, but I felt this girl ruined my life.
I haven't been with another girl sexually since.
How do I break out of my shel
Interesting suntext to the story.
As soon as she told everyone I couldn;'t get it up (gotta love women and they're understanding of first time performance anxiety) she also told my friends because I was a worry wart she was the only gf I;d ever have.
Forget the fact I have character, heart and am a caring person, I guess worrying too much overshadows all of it.
She also gave one of my guy friends who jealous about me being with her because he didn't think I deserved it, her screenname.
She kept telling me when we were going out that she didn't like him and he made her feel uncomfortable.
Every girl I've been out with after that whole thing that I have called back after the first date never called me back. I guess it's karma for me not being content with only being the "friend" to women in college huh? Is it bad karma coming my way about wanting to lose it and then all of a sudden I lost it in horrific drama after the fact?
Funny how life works......
-*Kat*
Wow. It sounds like she was a b!tch to you, and for no good reason. You yourself sound like a caring, considerate and most importantly, respectful guy. I don't know what to tell you other than whatever bad things you think about yourself that are causing your self-confidence to be affected are probably not true. Girls can be mean for no reason and it sounds like that's exactly what she was doing. Continue your therapy, as it will help you realize that there is nothing wrong with you, and don't force yourself to date until you feel confident enough. It will get better with time, good luck!
-TLR968
You came here for advice... Once you let go of the baggage the whole world will open up for you! You may not think that you carry this when going out on dates. However, it's plain as day for us women to zero in on a chip that rests on your shoulder!! Not too many ppl want to "save" someone. We look for someone who has it all together. They may have battle wounds, but they are NOT wounded. They may have hesitation in getting close, but they are not afraid of "trying" to take a chance... Honestly? - you have to love yourself first before someone else can love you! Who cares about performance sexually... That should be the last thing on your list of "wants" when getting involved. Sex is supposed to be the icing on the cake - not the cake! Tweak yourself! Look in the mirror & ask yourself if you were your own best friend what are the great aspects of who you are? *SMILE* like those things! Tell yourself everyday, all day, that you are spectacilur, happy, & special! You will begin to believe it. Once you are believing in yourself, other's will follow! Take another look in the mirror & ask about the "not so great stuff" - tweak it! Get rid of it!!! Negitivity will only bring you down & keep you down! Do not allow this in your life!
You are a Fabulous Soul! Stop waiting for life to come to you, get it together & get busy living...! It's almost 2008 - this is your year to SHINE!!!
-Sweetie
You didn't do anything wrong and no it's not karma your just shy when it comes to relationships now because of the things an uncaring woman did to you.
A. All women are not like her.
B. She sounds awful, I mean even if you didn't offer to pay for something them guys were her friends you shouldn't have to pay for them in the first place.
C. I truely believe that anything that goes on in the bedroom with a guy should stay there.
D. If anyone is probably experiencing karma it would be her I so hope she gets it good. To teach her a lesson on how not to treat people.
E. Continue with therapy and don't worry about your prob. trust me I really believe your just having the problem because you keep thinking about this one experience.
F. Stop let it go you losing her was a blessing in disguse. She was a user. Move on free your mind of her.
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Orignal From: Ladies: How do I get over this, why haven't I gotten over it and what's wrong with me?(LONG story, SERIOUS plz
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