I just wanted to tell my story and get your thoughts and opinions?I love my mom and I believe she did her best. But that doesn't change the fact that I can't help but feel anger towards her for allowing these things to happen to me.
When I was 2 years old, my mother began dating a man that she met at a flea market. When I was 5 or 6, this man and his friend gave me a piece of paper with little yellow and pink candy dots on it and they made me eat a few, then ate the rest themselves. Each day they'd give me more candy dots. Around this time, I had to go to the hospital for "rapid heart beat, sweating, shaking, inability to breathe". At the hospital, they just hooked me up to a machine and said I had heart problems and put me on a mobile heart monitor. I can remember seeing weird rainbow colors,. it looked like stuff was moving, I'd hallucinate all kinds of things, I had heart/anxiety and breathing problems, paranoia, I'd smell weird smells, light was too bright, everything would move and ripple and swirl. Well, I googled "LSD". One of the very first images on the page was pink and yellow LSD candies that are on paper. I know now that they had been giving me LSD. IT affected me for years when I was younger, once you take LSD, especially often/alot, it can affect you for years. I googled "LSD effects" and "Long term LSD effects". All of the effects were things I experienced.
Now I'm fine sexually, I've gotten over it pretty much, it's the past and I wont let the past hold me back, I have a fantastic boyfriend of 8 years that has helped me get past it all, he's truly a God send, an angel, a dream come true, I love him so much.
When I was 5 or 6, around the same time Mom's boyfriend gave me LSD, I went to the doctor for a "kidney infection" because I was hurting down there and it burned when I peed and I had trouble peeing. Once the doctor examined me, he said I'd been sexually molested and that it wasn't a kidney infection, I had been hurt down there. They tried to arrest my Mom's boyfriend but we left the state. He beat her and my brothers repeatedly, almost killing them more than once, for years. But, he never beat me, says my mom. She said I was "special" to him. Well, in the beginning, when I first met my boyfriend of 8 years, when he touched me between the legs, I would almost cry, I would get terrified. When he touched my breasts, I would almost vomit. I would always remember my Mom's boyfriend touching me and I would want to throw up and would start crying. For years, I couldn't touch myself without getting violently nauseous and crying. My Mom says that I got kidnapped at a flea market once too while her and this man were dating, but that they found me before anything bad happened to me.
When I was 12, the same month I turned 12 actually, I was violently raped by a boy and his friend. One of the boys was 20, and one was 16. It went on for a while, they were "friends" with a girl and her boyfriend I hung out with down the road, she had had sex with them all, she was 14, and she knew they were raping me and thought it was funny. She was "dating" one of the boys, he was 24. Every time I went to her house, it would happen, but I was too afraid to hide from them or tell anyone. They would come over to my house, my Mom knew how old they were, and she would let me stay out until the morning hours with them and even let me spend the night at the girl's house. I'm over it all now, but it still makes me angry that my Mom allowed it. Her boyfriend did drugs around us for years and she knew it and even tried doing them herself. I can't talk to her about it, so don't even suggest it. I brought up my being raped by those boys and she told me it was my fault. I know what her reaction would be already. I just wanted to tell my story. My name is Rose Phillips, I'm 22 now. I live in Missouri. Thank you for reading my story.
-¤Mickey¤
Wow, you're story made me tear up. And I thought I had it bad. All I can say is I'm really glad that at only 22 you've found someone truly amazing who decided to stick with you no matter what happened in the past and decided to help you go through it
I hope the best for you in the future :) You deserve it after all
-confused:(
well i think you are strong for going through all that and learning ways to coupe. I'm sure all that made you a much better person and not naive to really make the most out of life. You seem optimistic most people in that situation would still have reactions to being touched and the fact you can have a serious relationship for that long is amazing. You should look into giving speeches at womens and children's home places where wifes or girlfriends go after being abused or children, a safe house. I'm sure you could offer quite a bit of encouragement going through what you did and making it out just fine. And that would make you feel even better knowing you can help others with hope.
-Neko
sounds like something that would happen around here, (i live in missouri too, franklin county). its sad, and to say the least, it sucked. i hope you get past it all, and if you ever want to talk, you can email me :) *hug* go out there and set an example for your parents on what a person should be!
-Angry Salad
Talk to them. Communication is always important.
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Orignal From: Asthma Info: I just wanted to tell my story and get your thoughts and opinions?
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