I feel depressed most of the time, and I have suicidal thoughts frequently.?Lately, I looked at the wall for 5 minutes. I thought to myself & realized, I am not doing well.
School; if I hear the word school, I feel sad. I get scared. I feel like falling apart. I am not doing very well at school. I have 2 D's. One for Physical Education, & English. I've always have had a bad grade for P.E., and I really need to get it up in order to pass High School. & when I think about it, I feel like crying. I get scared, I feel like a failure. I can't run fast, and when I do I feel like fainting, I have asthma. No one gets that. I asked my mother, she said that I'm fat and that I need to be working out and as well the doctor will tell me the same thing (she says). I've been doing bad in P.E. since 2005, and I can't seem to ever get my grade up or improve my running. My teachers tell me that I can do better, and when they do, my eyes start to turn teary. My 4th period teacher thought that I was a good student, after my aunt pasted away. I haven't been paying much attention in class. I would feel if I talk to my friends, that memories will float on, and will be forgotten. But they always come back, and I get really stressed in that class.
Emotions; I've been having a lot of feelings, sad mostly or depressed. I don't seem to be smiling often & when I do, I do a frown after I smile. I don't feel that happy anymore. I feel like hurting myself most of the time. I always want to be alone other then being with friends or family.
Family; recently, I've had 3 passing's in my family: My aunt, my grandfather, & my step grandmother, last year. (2009) My mother would use these against me saying, "Your the one that is depressed? My sister and dad past away, it hurts me MORE." It might hurt her more, but my aunt loved me, very much. We were really happy together, we were like the "Perfect Emo" family she told me. I would be so happy to see her, but now she's gone. You might say that's why I am depressed or sad. Maybe I am, not sure. My brother is in jail as well, and my mother constantly blames me for every little bad thing I do. And that I am an evil seed.
Suicide; I've thought about this several times in my life, and today it got worst. In my mind, I was telling myself I was ready, that I'm going to do it. But then my other thought came, "If you die, your best friends will be sad. Some of your family would be sad." Which made me even more sad & depressed when I told myself this. I told my best friend about this, I've been knowing her since 2003, she told me. "Joseph, I don't want to be going to a physiologist telling them I've been sad since I was 14 because my best friend committed suicide." After she told me this, I hung up on her and then I started crying, that I can't escape from none of my problems, that I'm just a failure. I'm stuck on this world. So many feelings that I feel that no one cares but, they really do.
I wish to go to a Therapist, and I just had a talk with my mother about it.
She told me that I don't have anxiety, that I AM stupid. That I am a lazy ass. I just need to keep on trying.
So, I don't know other reasons to try to convince my mother to take me to a therapist. And she would probably say again and again, "I'm the one that's depressed, I'm the one that stresses."
-bonni
well congratulations on at least being able to ask your mom about seeing a therapist.
I'm too scared to even do that...
I'm sorry I'm not much of a help. I'm at a low right now too. It just sucks.
-SchoolBoy21
well, this happens mostly in your age . Do you feel like never satisfied anything you do ?no one is perfect
just keep trying, and trying
Die = nothing
when you finish school, get a job you like
and go on what you're interested in
and that's what people live for , love, happy, well-being
good luck
-Magician
No one seems to be really hearing your pain. They (doctor, parents, friends) keep sticking to their own angles on your situation. This must feel very lonely and scary for you. You obviously want to do well in school and life in general but others are deaf & blind to your story.
Their own selfish grief at losing loved ones has not allowed for your sadness and loss. Calling you stupid or lazy only adds insult to your hurts.
Maybe you can find an adult friend of the family or someone who can persuade your parents to at least let you be assessed by a counsellor or psychologist. Some of your emotional problems could be affected by your physical health. Having supportive friends also helps when things really stink in life. Do whatever you can to improve life. All the best in getting outside help.
-I am not a link. Leave me alone
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Immediately, get the help you need, even if it means calling 911.
Suicide not only deprives you of the opportunity of building a fulfilling life in the future, but it does destroy the lives of those you really do love.
There is no rush. How would it hurt you to give your life a chance ?
God loves you. I care about you, and I am betting that people in the present love you too ! What about all those people in the future who will love you also ?
Please get help and have the best new year yet. Please believe that this can be
Good luck
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